More Snow and No Snow Blower

Yep, I have no snow blower, a 50 foot driveway and a the snow is still coming down. Did I mention that I just paid to have my snow blower repaired last week and paid $100 for it?? So I shoveled. Luckily it was not heavy snow, just a lot of it. But it kept blowing and fogging up my glasses. So I took them off. Better to see things in a blur than to not see at all. And, as I look outside, the snow is coming down more with bigger flakes.

My dad is probably going home from the hospital on Monday. They wanted to keep him a little longer because of his age (92). He had a blood infection and a urinary infection. I had never heard of a blood infection. But then, I didn't talk to the doctor, just my brother and I am not sure if he got it right. My mom seems not to know anything is wrong but she is in a state that she isn't aware of a lot these days.

I am starting to feel my age. I have arthritis and tendinitis in my are and leg. (The attempts to start the snow blower didn't help that.) I should exercise more but never seem to have the time. And when I do get time, I just want to catch up on my sleep. I am getting old and set in my ways. It really kind of sucks getting old but I suppose I prefer it to the alternative.

Christmas was not what I expected.

I was awakened to a phone call yesterday morning. My dad was sick and the paramedics were taking him to the hospital. I don't know what he had but it was probably something like the flu. He was suddenly sick over night and was throwing up and couldn't get out of bed. So I drove to my parents, checked on my mom who was with her caregiver and went to the hospital. He was weak but better. He slept most of the day and my brother should be bringing him home today. I will try to drive in tomorrow to see my parents.

Then my brother and I went to my nephew's house which was huge. I had never seen this new place (this is his 3rd or 4th house) and it was gigantic. My entire house could have fit in the living and dining room. It was beautiful but I don't understand why someone buys such a house for only four people. He claimed to need that much room when his brother visits. But he has to keep up the payments and I can't imagine that is easy. If he were to lose his job or his wife would, they would be in huge debt (they may be now, I don't know.) Why do people buy so much more house than they need? Why do rich people buy expensive multi-million dollar homes? Why do some rich people have to have several? There are people without any and you get people in the world who have nothing better to do with their money than buy a castle.

The snow is coming down pretty fast right now. We will have a couple of inches before it stops. I need to shovel and get the snow blower out.

One thing I noticed yesterday when talking to my brother was how much like my dad he is. Yet he and my dad, until recently, did not get along. My brother seems to see all the negative in my dad. Okay, I agree that my dad is no angel and makes mistakes. Some of them hurt people - like me. But he is our father and he did the best he could. People are not all capable of being great parents. (That is why some people should think really carefully before becoming parents.) We can only do as well as our limitations. Some of those limitations are the result of our own parents. They were out role models (like it or not). Maybe that is why I didn't want kids. I don't think I would have been very good at being a parent. I don't have patience and tolerance. I got that from my father. But I understand my dad, I think. I "get" him in a way I don't think my brother does. But my dad can still hurt when he says or does things. Isn't that the way, parents can always hurt us the worst, especially when we care for them.

Christmas Eve

It is the night before Christmas and the wind is howling outside, reminding me of any of the old versions of "A Christmas Carol." My favorite is with Alastair Sim, which I think is the best. Nothing on TV and no major breaking stories on the news. I read a story about a woman in China who is trying to save the dogs and cats there. Seems there are no laws to protect animals in that country and cats is considered a delicacy in certain parts of China. I know from a friend that people in Korea eat dogs and try to stir them up and frighten them before they are killed to "tenderize" the meat. How cold are some people! These are companion animals who only want love and kindness from us. I don't understand people who return that kindness and love with evil. People who abuse and fight animals should have their reproductive organs removed so they are not able to procreate. I gave up meat about a month ago because it did bother my conscience. I love steak and hamburger but the thought of what animals go through to produce it made me quit. I wish I had not read that story in the news. I saw another that the Philidelphia Eagles are giving Michael Vick some kind of award for overcoming adversity. Need I say what I would like to give that coward and SOB?? Are they freaking nuts? What adversity did he overcome? He certainly was treated better than the animals he drowned, hung or beat to death. Adversity my ass! May he reap the rewards of the actions he brought on others.

Well, I am off to a very negative start tonight. But I feel not too positive anyway. Family is so difficult sometimes. Parents can be a source of steadfast strength or uncertain disappointment. I wish my father would be a little more aware of the feelings of other people. But then, maybe I am just like him. I feel like I am losing him to the others and he doesn't seem to see it or care. Growing older sucks! But I supposed he would say the same.

I guess I feel pretty much alone. I suppose that is of my own making but when you don't have kids and a family around, it just makes all of that alone feeling more so. I feel like the world is going on around me and it would probably go on without the blink of an eye if I wasn't here. Have I made a contribution to anything? I assume I have but don't always feel or see the results of that contribution to clearly. And of course, it is the holidays so everyone is supposed to be happy. I don't do happy well. I am a somewhat morose personality. I don't see the glass have full but I pretend I do because others expect or desire you to. They want others to be happy or put on a happy face. Underneath the happy face is not so much happy. I think the best I can do is be content. There are times when I am content. That will have to do.

Where are Boundaries for Caregivers?

Here is the situation. My mom and dad have a live-in caregiver. She is great as a caregiver but I think she is pushing the envelope a bit. See, she has given up her house to her daughter and now is staying at my parents' house. So she invited her ENTIRE family over to my parents' house for Xmas dinner. She is going to cook. Now her entire family consists of four daughters, various grandchildren, a son-in-law who is out of work and an ex-husband who, according to her, is an alcoholic. My parents are good people and are very trusting. I have never met her son-in-law or her ex. This is my parents' house and they have never met either man as well. So there will be over 9 people from her family at my parents' house and my parents and me. I just feel really uncomfortable with this situation. I don't know the two men and I don't like them coming into my parents' home like it is nothing. I understand that my parents' caregiver has given up her home to help my parents but their house is not HER home and I feel like she is treating it that way. I feel like she is taking advantage of my parents. My dad is afraid to upset the apple cart because he feels my mom is getting good care. But he never liked crowds, even his own family. I don't want to go there to feel like an outsider in the home I was raised in. I also feel like this woman is taking a position that supersedes the position of my brothers and I. She has family over so often at their house that her family is becoming my parents' new family. When I go, which is as often as I can, all I hear about is her family and her family woes. I'm sorry. I don't care. (Sorry, but I don't. I have enough to deal with, especially since many of these problems are of their own making.) My dad spends so much time listening to her woes but I feel like I dare not tell him anything about what is going on with me. I don't feel he really wants to hear or won't really care. On the phone he goes on and on about this caregiver and when he DOES ask me about what is going on with me I get the message that all he wants to here is "fine." I have offered to go live with my parents but my father refused. So now this woman has taken over and my father, who used to be so strong-willed is letting her take charge of his home. I have heard of so many situations where the caregiver took total control of an older person and even came between the parents and the children. I am just so uncomfortable with all of this. But I cannot talk to my dad because he tells me to butt out. Soooooo. Here I am, back at square one. Wondering what to do.

Computers and More Computers

I just watched the movie, "Welcome to Macintosh" today for the second time. I remember my first computer. It was a tiny box that I had to attach to my TV and was from Sears or some catalog company. Unfortunately, I had no knowledge of programming so it was useless to me at that time. Then I started working with Apple II's at school. I got the little rocket ship to launch using the programming. But I didn't have the skills for programming language. I just loved gadgets. I got my first usable computer in 1987 or 1988, an Apple IIc. I loved this thing! I could print banners and worksheets and save tons of stuff (well, maybe not tons). It used 5-1/4 inch floppies and had no internal memory except for the BIOS. Then I started getting into PC's. My first was a 286 but I quickly traded that for a 386, or at least upgraded the parts inside the case. My first laptop from the early 1990's has only 4 megs of RAM and it cost me almost $400 to upgrade that to 8. I had to plug an external floppy drive in to use one. It was an Epson subcompact and was as heavy as a couple of bricks. I built my first computer in the mid 90's. Man, that baby had the best components I could buy and so many lights and flashes on it I could light up a room. I still have it. I have talked about getting rid of it but haven't been able to part with it or the one I built after that. My problem with building computers is the motherboard. I lack the ability to put the screws in without dropping one. So both of the computers I bought have a screw clacking around when the cases are moved. Call it a signature.

Next came my titanium powerbook from Apple. It was 12 inches and was a great size. Yes, I was converted to the dark side. I love Macs but we have a PC environment at work so I am now bicomputeral. Is that a word? Well, I just invented it, I guess.

The problem with using both is that, unless you use dual booting or a program like Parallels, you can't use a program on both operating systems. So that means more money in order to buy programs for both.

I still love Macs but my 17 inch computer is a PC. So what is a person to do? If Apple and PC's could get together to create an operating system that would recognize either, that would be great. And why do we have to keep paying for updates to our operating systems from either Apple or PC's? No, I know that there are free operating systems out there but I use Windows at work and that is what came with my laptop. So I stay with it. I tried Red Hat Linux but couldn't get into it. I still have little skill in programming. I still just love pushing buttons, or more accurately, I like clicking on things.

First Snow of the Year

Today I woke up to two inches of snow on the ground. That means getting the snow blower (or thrower, if you prefer) out to use. No gas to mix the oil with for the gas blower. So I had to get out an electric I had for light snow. I got it last week at Walmart, a Snow Devil. Half way through using it I started to wonder if a good, old-fashioned shovel might be better. It has enough power but is a rough to push as a shovel. A small clump of grass stops it cold. Of course, it's electric, so there is always the cord to contend with. I always love that first snow of the season...until I start dealing with the driveway. I have a long driveway and don't have many places to put the snow that is removed. So it is always a challenge.

Then I sat down for a while to relax afterward, turned on the television to watch the noon news. All I see is toy and diet commercials. Not to mention the commercials that talk about what a happy time of year this is with family and friends. Am I the only one who doesn't see all the happy, happy? Truth is, I don't think most people are all that happy during the Christmas and New Year time. Do most families get along like they show on TV? I doubt it. Listen, if TV was all that on-target, everyone would be thin, have great clothes, and there wouldn't be man or woman over 40 in sight. So I guess you can't expect the people in charge of what gets on TV to be accurate about anything. Hey, do you ever see someone on the boob-tube that you can really say looks and lives like you? I certainly cannot. The average clothing size for a woman in the United States is 14. Don't see too many of those on TV do you? Well, perhaps an occasional character actor or two. Otherwise most women look like they climbed out of the pages of "anorexic quarterly."

But back to my family. I love them. I would do anything for them. But we don't seem to get along and, if we do make the attempt, the atmosphere gets a little strained. I look at families that are so close and wonder how they do it. There are sibling rivalries, personality clashes, etc.

As I look out the window I see that it is snowing again. Oh dear, more shoveling. Maybe I will go out and get some gas for the snow blower.

Cheerios and Fur

So...this is my first blog. I was wondering what I am supposed to write about. Now you might be wondering what my title is about. Truth is, the title describes my daily life. I have a busy schedule and there are many times that I get home and have no time before I have to get to class at night. So I will eat Cheerios for dinner. Hey, nothing wrong with that - no dishes and it lowers your cholesterol (so they say). As for the fur, well, I have pets so fur is a constant in my life. Good thing I don't have any allergies to animals, that I know of. So feeding the dogs is also a part of my schedule. Thus, the title. It wasn't my first choice, or my second or third. But, as I write this, I am getting used to it and am starting to kind of like it.

You know, my birthday is coming up in a few days and, with the holiday season, I am feeling a little overlooked. I know, I should be used to it by now. But when you don't have kids and your siblings do, it is kind of a leftover thought. Does that sound like whining? I hope not. Well, maybe it does but it does kind of make hard to get the attention that people do at any other time of the year. All the family is together, oohing and ahhing over the kids, and the adults who aren't are viewed as somewhat outside the norm.

Don't get me wrong. I do like kids, in small doses. But they really sap my energy. Maybe that would have been different if I had kids but I don't and never felt a real biological urge to have any. Why do so many people consider that so weird for a woman NOT to have a desire for kids? Nope, I never felt a real drive to get married either. So on to another subject...

Today I found out that someone tried to use one of my credit cards in California! I was floored. I am really careful about my information and don't brandish my cards around. As far as I can tell, someone must have nabbed my information at a restaurant. Luckily, the store didn't let whoever it or they were use the card. Wow, that is scary. You have to be so careful. The only thing a person can do is pay cash. But even then there are ways to scam customers. Be on guard. But ultimately, there is really no way to stop someone from getting your information. You just have to make it so hard for them that they go looking elsewhere.

That is it for now. I don't know how often I will be blogging. I am new to writing one and I was never good at keeping a diary when I was a kid. I will try to write at least a couple of times a week. But I make no promises.